Not only does the bleeding continue...

And the incessant howls...

And erratic behavior...

But she has now entered a new phase - Marking!

Never before did she mark in the house. Never before have I even heard of a female dog marking in the house... and now she keeps going around to all the rugs in the house (not the bare floors mind you..... only the rugs) squatting, and trying to pee even though her bladder is mostly empty, squeezing out just enough of her "scent" to attract male dogs.

I assume this is a mating ritual dating back to the ancient days of the wolf clan.

You would think a 21st century pampered pug would have outgrown this type of ancestral behavior over the thousands of years of breeding down - but apparently, not so much.

Between the never-ending blood stains and marking in the house this weekend I decided I had no choice but to try getting her into one of those $12.99 doggy diapers again even though she almost took my hand off the last time I attempted it.

See, Plum has some sort of irrational fear of humans touching her tail and unfortunately the only way to get these doggy diapers, or pup pants, or bitches britches or whatever-you-call-them on is to pull the dog's tail through the hole in the garment.

Apparantly the makers of these textiles have never encountered a dog like Purdy before, with tail phobia.

I lit some candles and waited for a calm energy time as some friends had suggested...just me and her, The plan was to gently persuade her to trust me enough to touch her tail.

As soon as she saw the diaper in my hand - Her little body tensed up and all of the fur on the back of her spine stood up like porcupine quills and she started savagely growling and snapping at me.

But I persisted. And I did something I have never had to do before in my 15 + years of pug dog rearing and experience... not even when I cleaned her ears...I went into my pug supply station and took out the emergency pug muzzle.

It's a special muzzle designed specifically for pugs that covers their eyes and mouth and just has an opening for their nose to poke through so they can still breathe comfortably.

I don't think I have to tell you that the calm energy plan had gone awry.

My sweet little Purdy now looked like a scary canine version of Hannibal Lecter and I was sure that given the single opportunity, she would eat me.

Her body relaxed a little with the muzzle because she became disoriented. I was able to pull her onto my lap long enough to get the diaper under her. She was kicking and trashing wildly but with her mouth and eyes covered I had just enough edge I needed to strap it on tightly, securely......and eventually coax her tail out of the peep hole.

Alas, success!

I got the diaper on properly, took her muzzle off, and told her what a good girl she was!!

But it was too soon to celebrate my coup..

Almost immediately, she started dragging her bottom on the floor and hunched over into the dreaded poop position.

I had become so fixated on trying to diaper this 17lb pug, what I hadn't considered in all of this was the simple question of what I would do once she messed the diaper and I would have to put another one on.

She continued to hunch and strain, and there it was...she pooped in the spanking clean diaper it had just taken me 40 minutes to get her in.

Mind you she hasn't pooped in 3 days ever since I switched her to a high lean protein diet so I never saw this coming.

And then the guilt came...holy shit, I literally just scared the crap of my dog.

Tears started welling and I felt so bad.....

Until...

I immediately removed the diaper and she not only continued pooping.....she had a piece dangling that she couldn't push out so before I could get to her ...from the other side of the room I saw her scooting across my floor, dragging the hanging poop down onto my carpet in one long giant skid mark.

Now if there's one thing any of my friends will tell you about me it's that I excel at being persistent. I don't care if a goal takes me a decade to accomplish, once I set my mind to something I will not rest until it happens, one way or the other.

This is how I felt about getting a diaper on Purdy....or as I now like to call her, Hannibal.

So I pressed on knowing that no other living breathing creature had ever tried and tested my patience as much or as often. But as the alpha master I could not let her get away with it. I had to show her who was in control.

After a brief rest and trying to reassure her that all was well and I wasn't angry....after getting down on my hands and knees Sunday afternoon and scrubbing the pee and now poop stained skid marks off my carpet with resolve carpet cleaner while all of my friends were out lunching and partying, I took the muzzle out again and repeated the entire process over from scratch.

She was much more calm this time and accommodating. It only took 10 minutes the second time around to get another diaper on her. Once I had it secured I removed the muzzle once more and offered high praise so she would know for next time and next time and eventually allow me to do it without the muzzle or irrational tail phobias.

Ah, success!

After I cleaned up the floor and threw away the crappy, bloody diapers - I was ready to begin the 4 hour process of making her home made dog food in the crock pot.

For new readers who have not been following along, my very high maintenance little rescue girl is allergic to commercial dog food. The additives and preservatives kill her. When fed anything in a can or bag she literally tries biting her toes off and gets horrific ear and skin infections. So I have to cook all of her meals!

I was midway through loading up the crock pot with her human food when I started hearing her barking at me, almost like she was barking orders.

I turned around and there was the little goblin smirking at me - her white snaggletooth protruding over the top right side of her black lip, in a mocking glare.

And after all she had just put me through she now had the nerve to bark in my face and beg for food.

On the floor about 3 feet directly behind her lay the diaper that she somehow, after all of my struggles and despite all of my persistence .....had wriggled herself out of in the very brief amount of time it took me to get from my living room to the kitchen.

And just like that, I conceded and she won. I simply had nothing left to give, she completely wore me down.

I can in all honestly and without exaggeration say, as God is my witness and I pray for patience, that this has been the longest 2.5 weeks of my life.

Dear God, please let her heat be over soon.

Here are my predictions for the Academy Award winners tonight:

Best Actress - Sandra Bullock, the Blind Side

Best Supporting Actress - Monique, Precious

Best Actor - Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Best Adapted Screenplay - Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious

Best Original Screenplay - Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Best Director - Kathryn Bigelow for the Hurt Locker - she is the one I'm really pulling for. She sooo deserves it and would be the first ever female director to win!

Best Picture - Avatar - although Hurt Locker could well beat it out, would be even more awesome because Kathryn Bigelow used to be married to James Cameron for 2 years about 25 years ago, what a twist that would be for her little indie film to kick the biggest blockbuster of the years ass, made by her ex!

Let's see how close I am tomorrow...hopefully I can stay awake to see it all!!

Here is a clip of Kathryn Bidelow's AMAZING work in the Hurt Locker:

For the past 2 days Purdy has been sitting at the back door howling the most sorrowful howls imaginable.

Howling at what?? There is nothing there.

I presume she is trying to alert some of the male dogs in the neighborhood that she is ready, willing, and able to go. It seems to be working too because there are strange new paw prints in the snow of my back yard.

Pretty sad when the dog is getting more action than her human.

Hmmm, I wonder if this could work for me. If I sit at my back door howling loudly enough and pitifully enough.....do you think some big strapping stud will magically appear?

Sometimes I do envy the life of a canine.

OW-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!